Here is the opening two chapters to a short story I’ve been working on. I am 6 chapters in and have experienced a total block. Any feedback on the first 2 chapters would be greatly appreciated. (No pun intended:) )
Chapter 1. Follow your Gut
“My website Begreatbegrateful.com proposes to be a revolutionary website connecting people of Ireland . The website will primarily have 2 main webpages with a number of sub pages in each category. The two categories are “spark a dream” and “share the load”. “Spark a dream” will allow small and local business owners share their stories, give motivation and helpful tips and perhaps even mentor up and coming entrepreneurs. Weary future entrepreneurs can connect in a friendly and welcoming environment, pitch their ideas, and seek investment or help from people who have already been through the exciting yet terrifying journey of entrepreneurship. The focus here is to encourage more and more people to take the chance and open a nice little cafe or bakery, restaurant, boutique clothes shop etc. It is my belief that having many more of these homegrown local businesses is the key to a brighter economic future in Ireland.
And why stop their? I believe in a brighter Ireland for all. “Share the load” is crowdfunding with a twist. their will be what i call “blind crowdfunding” where people who have been financially struggling can crowd fund for a well deserved holiday, new car upgrade or to soften the back to school burden and apply for help with new books and school clothing. Local homeless communities, youth projects and mental health organisations in need of funding can set up an ongoing project in which the general public can donate at anytime.
My website is about eliminating fear and financial worries, inspiring more small start ups and local businesses, encouraging a more even distribution of money and opportunity in the country. the country aswell as contributing to the mental health,homeless and poverty crises that are rampant in the country.”
So What do you reckon?” Brendan asked work colleague Sinead, excitedly expecting her to be as optimistic as he was about the project.
“Thats your answer, thats your big idea on how to get us all out of minimum wage and shit hours” She laughed “ Your smoking to much man, time to lay down the pipe for awhile my friend, i have to hurry back only have 3 minutes before my away from desk time begins to run over and I’m already 6 minutes over this week” She shouted as she hurried away to get back to her desk on time, fearing that another 4 minutes over the next 2 days will mean a penalty of 15 minutes wages.
Thats exactly my fuckin point he thought to himself as he sat their reading over his provincial email and slowly finishing his espresso macchiato, hoping it would never finish as it burned in the back of his head that once the macchiato was finished he must return to his desk to endure another 3 hours of pain stakingly miserable phonecalls. Call after call after call.
No sooner after logging back into ACCESS Mr.Webber approached “Are you on a call Brendan?” he asked. Jesus Darren man, you’ve seen that I’ve barely touched the seat, of course I’m not on a fuckin call ya prick! He thought to himself. “Not yet, just back from my half hour break” He politely answered.
“A quick word in my office” He declared as he already began to make his way back to office, his big luxury office set in at the back of the first floor of the call centre.
So Brendan, Mr.Webber asked “Do you know why I called you in here?
“My promotion I reckon, but save your breath sir,I’ve no interest in moving up the ranks here I’m quite happy with rotting away on these calls, i don’t need the added pressure of making the lives of my floor colleagues even more miserable,” He joked knowing full well that it was in relation to a call he had taking during the week.
Do you find this find funny? Mr. Webber replied.
Funny? Their is absolutely nothing funny about what we do here Darren, Its legal robbery. Were lying to the population of the country, and getting paid for it.
Whats that supposed to mean?
at this point Brendan seized his opportunity to be offered his first and last weeks wage and didn’t hold back, more or less confirming the termination of his contract.
Ah come on Darren man, this hole sharade is a fucking farce, I’m not going too stand for it anymore, especially for this measly $1250 a month. You’ve called me in here because you listened back on my call with Dorothy Malone during the week, Am i right?
“Exactly! Mr Webber exclaimed as began to rise to brendans outburst. That call was an absolute disgrace. You cannot Speak to clients like that.”
Brendan interrupted Mr.Webber. Noticing that Mr.Webber was becoming agitated he decided to continue to rile him up, Brendan using the emotion of his last 6 months, his hatred for his job and his passion for his business idea as motivation to continue the dispute.
Like what? I told the poor old woman the truth. How do you live with yourself? We haven’t drawn up any elderly and special needs decliration, their is absolutely no relief plan for those who need, and Dorothy Malone needs it. How do you sleep at night?
Mr.Webber began to lift in his chair. “You cannot advise customers of this, you’ve completely broken the terms of company employment.
“Well if those are the terms of employment, a government run initiative, then theirs a much bigger problem in this country then I thought.”
I don’t think this is working out Brendan, for your sake and most definitely for our sake I’m afraid were going to have to terminate your contract, your attitude will not be tolerated around here.” Mr. Webber announced as he began to relax back into his chair.
“Thats no problem at all Sir, have a good day” Brendan replied graciously, “And if I were you id start saving, this time next year you are mort definitely going to be out of a job, just wait you’ll see.
Chapter 2. Tension
“What do you mean you had to stand up to him?” Martin, Brendans dad asked furiously. You’d want to come down off whatever cloud your floating around on and get in touch with the real world!” Martin a project manager with a large computer company had recently been laid off and with his age going against him was finding it increasingly difficult to gain employment.
“Im going to talk to Jim in the warehouse and see if we can get you in on an 11 month contract.”
No chance dad, I’m sorry but theirs noway I’m going back to employment, especially with a corporate like EMC, their half the reason were in the situation were in, willy nilly contracts, and you of all people should see where I’m coming from, have you learned nothing from your ordeal of being made redundant out of the blue?
Marie, Brendans mother stepped up, “Martin go on down along for a drink and il collect you at half 10”
“Im telling you Martin, you don’t realise the shitstorm were in financially here, your going to take that job or any offer that comes in between. If you think your going to lounge around my house unemployed living on the benefit than you have another thing coming” Martin proclaimed as he left the room.
“Sit down Brendan and ill make you a cupa, don’t mind your father, he means well but he’s really feeling the strain over the past few weeks. As Marie brewed a pot of barry tea and produced a packet of chocolate chip cookies she asked ” So this website Brendan, whats it all about?”
“Cheers mum” Brendan replied as he drew a breath over the steaming cupa to cool it down before he took his first sip. “Well I have this idea, which i feel could really work. I want to basically create a community where we can produce more local businesses, small shops cafes that kind of thing. Have people who have realised their dreams help people seeking to realise their dreams, give people like dad, who have been employed by the big companies to take a step back reflect and go out and create something for themselves. I think its madness the amount of people both young and old trapped in the 40 hour work cycle, earning the same money, having the same holiday time and basically just living for the 2 days off their employer chooses to give them. Its insane, its outdated and it needs to change.
“And why do you feel its so important that you change it?”
“Well because i feel I have a great idea which many many people can benefit from. I want to help people, simple as this. People helping people mum!” Brendan becoming excited as he explained to his mum his website idea. I know you don’t know much about social media, but social media is basically a foundation for narcissists. Everybody loves to share a meaningful quote, or a picture or a video that shows them in a compassionate empathetic light. I basically want to bring this virtual sharing to life, create a brand in which people are keen to share, and when they do it really creates a positive impact on people. It will be like Facebook meets linkedin minus the bullshit.
“Well it sounds fantastic” Marie replied as she picked up Brendans now empty cup and brought it towards the dishwasher, “Ill have a chat with your father, well give it a few weeks and see how realistic this idea of yours is, but you’ll head down to the unemployment office first thing in the morning and sign on, you’ll need some sort of an income.
“Ya thats my plan i want to get down early because its always packed for the day if your not their early enough and id rather not spend the hole day their.
As Brendan left the kitchen his mother called him back “One last thing just before you go, How exactly do you plan on building this website, you haven’t a clue about any of that kinda stuff”
“Yera, Where theirs a will theirs a way mum” He answered enthusiatically as he hurried up the stairs to his room.